After several edits, my professor is still saying that even though there is plenty of good information, the dissertation draft is still lacking “flow and continuity”. He says there is little progression and therefore, the reader can be confused. Below are some of the points that need to be addressed for chapter 1. Please note that it is not a checklist but rather they can be addressed throughout the chapter creating a better flow for and continuity for the reader. I am including chapter 3 for context only for now.

 

1.     In the context of the problem, researcher discusses quality and accountability as the underlying problem.  Good.  This needs to be added to the first sentence of the introduction.  Accountability can be looked at as degree completion.

2.     Chapter 1 – The first sentence discusses social and academic growth .  APA is 2004.   This is outdated.  Researcher needs to be consistent and begin with the context of the problem.  

3.     Chapter 1 – Discusses national studies then jumps to New Jersey. Why is New Jersey so important?

4.     Chapter 1 – Researcher needs to make a case why it is important to focus on adolescent African American males in a high school setting.  The current information in Chapter 1 could also refer to African American males in a grammar or middle school setting.  Some of the data proves that the hispanic population exceeds the African American population.  Data needs to be demonstrated in this regard.  Should this study look at ethnicity as the problem?   Why African Americans and not the hispanic population?

5.     Chapter 1 – It is challenging for the reader as the word student is used throughout.   Be specific if you are focusing on adolescent African American males in a high school setting.  For example, the word adolescent should be used in Chapter 2.

6.     Chapter 1 – The reader is further challenged, by the nationwide studies using the term black boys. Boys attend grammar and middle school.  Does this study apply?

7.     Chapter 1 – The first paragraph discusses academic and social growth.  The second paragraph discusses suspensions.  There needs to be a flow from one paragraph to another.

8.     Chapter 1 –  Paragraph 3 and 4 belongs in Chapter 2.

9.     Payne and Welsch’s (2013) study is outdated.  The study uses the term student.  Again, confusing to the reader.  Explain the population in the study.  Where in the USA was the research conducted.  Have they conducted recent research?

10. The studies would benefit by referring to the location of the studies.  For example, midwest, southern states, western states, northern states.

11. Chapter 1 – There needs to be a flow to demonstrate the connection with the title of the study.

12. The first two pages and beyond have a different theme.  This is a good start.  Needs to be flushed out.

13. Chapter 1, page 7 is outdated information.  “The state of New Jersey has a diverse student population ranging from the Caucasians, Hispanics to African-Americans.”   New Jersey is the most diverse in the nation.  Diversity includes more ethnic groups than the 3 indicated.

14. Chapter 1, page 8 mentions that areas other than New Jersey have similar concerns.  Why focus on New Jersey?

15. The theoretical framework discussed social emotional learning.  This needs to be flushed out.

16. Chapter 1 – Are you looking at an urban environment?  I saw the term urban for the first time in the limitations.   If you are looking at an urban environment, why is this important?

17. I stopped with Chapter 1 at page 8 and did read the limitations.  It seems Chapter 2 may need to be flushed out to write Chapter 1.